I've just listened to a segment on Rachel Ray's TV program, about a mother and daughter and the problems they are having planning the daughter's wedding. What came to mind was what they needed was a wedding coordinator. Why? Because we are an impartial third party who can help with coming up with compromises.
Planning a wedding, under the best of circumstances, is extremely stressful, especially for the bride who has had the wedding of her dreams in her head since she was a child. Putting these dreams into reality can be a real challenge, especially if the bride is working with a specific budget.
What may be very important to her, may be frivolous to her mother. Enter the wedding coordinator! Speaking from a personal standpoint, since I can't speak of how other planners work, I like to establish, early on, what are the most important aspects of the wedding. Is it the food? The wine? The music? The flowers? Once this is established then we all have a start in the direction the wedding planning should go as well as the budget. WEDDING PLANNING GUIDE, A Bride's Workbook (c), is a very easy step by step workbook to help you plan your wedding. This is a great guide for both mother and daughter. (Available at www.weddingsbytanya.com.)
Mothers and daughters have a very special relationship and they want to be speaking when the wedding is over! Having a wedding coordinator makes this possible, because we become the "go-to" person for both. They can each speak to me in confidence and know their comments are safe. Often, by just speaking about a problem, the mother or daughter is able to work out the answer to the situation. This is why a good planner needs to be able to listen and not be quick to give advice.
Brides need to keep in mind that a wedding is not a parents' responsibility, but is a gift from their folks. When a parent has a specific amount they can afford to spend, the bride needs to respect this and try to work with it. If her wishes and dreams are larger than the budget, either she and the groom can contribute or possibly the groom's family would be willing to help out, as long as it's not something extravagant and just for "show".
Mothers need to keep in mind their daughter's vision may not be theirs. Many mothers have the tendency to vicariously have the wedding they didn't have, through their daughters' weddings. This is where compromise comes in. If mom wants the bride to wear her veil, but it doesn't match the dress, consider how you can still incorporate it into your wedding wear. If it has lace, perhaps the lace can be attached to a handkerchief the bride is carrying, or maybe it can be wrapped around the flowers and attached with a special pin.
A wedding coordinator is no longer a luxury, we are a necessity. What should you look for in a coordinator?
1) Probably the most important thing is do you "click" with this person? You are entrusting one of the most important days in your life to this person and you want someone you feel comfortable talk to and can trust.
2) Do they have references? If so ask for a list then call a couple of brides to get their input.
3) Do they fit what you want? If you want a destination wedding, will they travel? Can they go to the destination site ahead of time to check things out and start the planning process?
4) Are you limited in time? Personally, I feel it takes as long as it takes to plan a wedding. This is why I don't limit my brides to four hours of planning and eight hours on the day of the wedding. It's not unusual for me to be on site, at the wedding, for 12 or more hours. I don't want brides not calling me with a questions because they are worried it's going to be deducted from their planning time. My clients have full access to me whenever they need me.
5) What services do they offer? Do you need someone to bounce ideas off of? Do you need assistance just finding vendors? You might just want someone who does hourly consulting. If you are going to school full time and working two jobs, you may need a full coordination package. If you have a good start and idea of who you want to work with then a "Partial" plan may work best for you.
6) Do they accept "Kick-backs"? This is a fair question to ask because if they do, chances are they have specific vendors they will direct you to and won't be as objective in finding vendors who may better fit your needs. (For the record, I do not accept "kick-backs". My clients pay me a fee for my services and I direct them to vendors who will do the best job for them.)
Hopefully, these points will help you find just the right coordinator for you. For more information about my services, visit http://www.weddingsbytanya.com/.
HAPPY PLANNING!
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